Sehwag’s Speech If Delhi Daredevils Win IPL

Fast forward to May 27, 2012. Delhi Daredevils have won IPL and DD skipper Sehwag has been invited to the podium by Ravi Shastri. Shastri is about to ask Sehwag a question in his loudest voice when suddenly Sehwag pushes Shastri aside and grabs the mike from him. Shastri who has fallen down is too stunned to get up. He can only stare at Sehwag as he goes on to address the crowd at the stadium:

Dear friends,

I have been waiting for four years to make this speech. But it is my bad luck that some other teams were better than Delhi Daredevils – they don’t have any sportsman spirit. They should have respected my contribution to the Indian team and to cricket and allowed my team to win.

But I forgive them all, especially Chennai Super Kings, whose captain, as you all know, is a “very good friend” of mine. Of course, with his style of captaincy, it is surprising to see CSK winning any match at all.

Another good friend, Harbhajan, has been promoted to the captaincy of Mumbai Indians, who as you all know did worse than DD in past IPLs except last year when under Bhajji they won Champions League. Again, a most surprising happening and if you want to know my complete opinion, meet me in my room.

I must also mention KKR, whose captain, Gautam Gambhir, was my former teammate. He tries to copy my captaincy style but he has a long way to go before his milk teeth fall out. He is very fond of Bangladesh players like that spinner in his team, Shakib. I remember the controversy when I led the Indian team to Bangladesh and we were bowled out for a low score in the first innings of the first test. I think DD’s win is a good lesson for KKR and Bangladesh and Shakib.

Coming back to the secret of DD’s win, we were better than all the other teams in all departments of the game. Batting, bowling, fielding, etc. Even our dropped catches look better. Even our security guards at Ferozshah Kotla are better than for example those at Wankhede. Shahrukh is welcome to come to Kotla as long as KKR loses to us.

Finally a word for BCCI. They said after the end of my last tour that I was rested. I was not rested; I was dropped because of a “very good friend” whose name I cannot reveal. This is ridiculous. They want me to score runs in every match. If I don’t score a few zeroes, my average will be 200 and then they will say this is match fixing. So now you know why I fail. It is only to save the good name of Indian cricket.

So let me win next year also and I will tell you some more secrets.

Disclaimer: This is a work of satire and any resemblance to any real incident or person is purely coincidental.

Tags: Chennai Super Kings, CSK, Delhi Daredevils, India, IPL, KKR, Mumbai Indians, Sehwag, Shahrukh

Category: Cricket, Others, Satire